All The Feelings (Leverage Colombia Team)

As I sit here continuing to procrastinate on packing (and writing the paper that’s due on Sunday for my doctoral program), I can’t help but take in all the feelings going on in my head. Excited. Nervous. Curious. Thrilled. Anxious. Blessed. Reflective. If you go back just a year ago from this moment, I would have never pictured myself preparing to head out on a mission trip. It’s funny how God can take ahold of your life in such a short amount of time and begin to paint a much different picture. When I decided to go on the trip in late-February I was quite excited, but shortly after meeting with my amazing team I began to question if I was someone who was really qualified to go on this trip. These thoughts remained a silent whisper on my heart, and they were further fueled after hearing a fellow team member’s testimony. His upbringing was strong in faith, and I had to admit that I was a bit embarrassed to follow his story. After wrapping up my own testimony, I confessed to him (and the group) that I was jealous of his testimony. He quickly reassured me not to be ashamed, because it is MY story and it makes me who I am today. This was further confirmed when a friend told me, “It doesn’t matter when and where you start your walk with Christ, but how you finish.” Slowly I became comfortable in knowing that God has a purpose for me now and even on the mission trip. Over the next few months, I spoke to others who had been on mission trips or were preparing for one in the near future, and I found a common theme…no matter where you are in your walk with Christ, we are ALL nervous/anxious/scared/perplexed/apprehensive(you get the picture) that we do not possess all of the knowledge to give justice to who and what He is; however, God would not have placed this calling on our hearts to go if we were not ready to do SOMETHING for Him. With only a day and half before heading out to Colombia I remind myself a few things…He knows what I possess. He knows I am prepared to do His name glory in whatever fashion He deems fit for me. He knows there is someone in Colombia that is waiting to hear MY story. He knows me for me. -Jessica Douglas